Saturday, December 15, 2012

Happiest

Hmmmm. So what brought me here is that .. i woke up 5am this morning when i slept at 10pm then i decided to look back at my blog entries to see how awesome/dumb/happy/sad/depressed was I in the past few months.

yuppppp. i have finished the most dreaded itp/fyp and all the exams in my poly life. so technically i am just waiting to graduate (ignore that 2 ICA modules we have yet to clear) and this brings us to the title.. happiest.. i may be happiest person in the world since there's no more worry and stress.. but yea.. depends on your definition of happy. To me, happy is no longer the same without you.. it always feel something is lacking in my life.

should i reveal what wishes i made for the year 2012 during my new year service? it is told that we can make 3 wishes in the presence of God, and it shall be granted to us.. less than 15 days left till the end of this year and seems like nothing's been fulfilled yet.. but i shall keep on believing .. so much can happen on a day.. let alone 15 days, right? hahaha (keeping up the positivity) maybe i will reveal at the very last day of 2012.. be it fulfilled or not.. not a promise though :D

and actually before this entry, there's another one (is still under draft) which i sort of started it but don't wanna carry on.. can't really think of the reason why.. but perhaps thinking, it might not reach to you.. (or u may stop coming here or u may just read and forget etc.. ) and that will defeat the whole purpose isn't?

Hmmmm.. do you know.. my definition of happy could be really simple? maybe it's just an unexpected text from you or some simple gesture that you show that you care. you have no idea how such a seemingly insignificant thing (to you, perhaps?) meant so much to me. but.. it's often so short-lived. which i don't know why ..

p/s: i am not sure what should i do to reach to you.. or in fact to your heart.. i always wanted to know what happened down there.. what are you thinking at any moment. but other than pitch darkness, there's nothing i can see. is it because it's just me? whom u are still unwilling to open up to. i am always unsure and confused.. and every single time.. when i am determined and you just came running back.. is it a kind of prank or joke? and you definitely know i am not in this game anymore since i been losing right at the first place.

It's always said that 'silence is the scariest thing' and that is when communication break down. maybe i am just being too pushy in getting some answers all the times. but my kind of mindset is .. if i don't say it, i may regret for life. don't you have things that you want to say and don't you have any regrets bout them?

maybe.. you really don't ..

sometimes, i really laugh at myself for being so absurd and dumb. i always thought that i am so rational in handling things.. but definitely not when it comes to this..

Oh God.. still believing ..